TOP TEN NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION THAT ARE GUARANTEED TO CRASH AND BURNDecember 12, 2010
I used to be a huge fan of resolutions! There was always something exhilaratingly empowering about taking charge of your life, setting targets and putting in the efforts to achieve them.
In 1997 I made a resolution to get straight A’s in my PMR exams and requested that my parents give me an all-expenses paid trip to the UK to visit my cousins. God thought it would be fun to give me 1A short of that target. In university, every year from 2000-2006, I made a resolution to get Dean’s List in every semester but that too did not happen as I spent more time educating myself in clubs and movie theatres instead of lecture halls and libraries. In 2009, one of my resolutions included, dating a rockstar. Alas, I ended up dating and breaking up with a tone-deaf loser whose only musical connection was when my bestfriend had a whimsical dream of him basking in Damansara Uptown.
Indeed, life experiences have made me shy away from making resolutions as I have never had the discipline to carry through with them. And when I did in fact try, there were extenuating circumstances that would prevent me from achieving them. But hey ‘C’est la vie! Non?’
As 2010 comes to a close, I find myself once again thinking about resolutions and targets etc. This time around, instead of focusing on
losing that three layers of belly fat that seemed to have magically appeared out of no where creating and executing my own resolutions, I have decided to compile a list of things you should not be ‘resolute’ about as they are bound to crash and burn, sooner than you can say “Oh..I am still so hungover from that New Year’s Party!!”
1) Write beautiful, thought provoking poetry in French when the only French words you know are Oui, Non and Gracias.
2) Get married in style and elegance without having the whole mami jarum clan meddle in all aspects of the preparations… when you are an anak mami from Penang.
3) Learn how to cook (ok this one applies solely to yours truly)
4) Start going to the gym more often just so that you can catch the attention of your brother’s cute friend who happens to be a health and fitness freak.
5) Release a Billboard Number One pop album when you are
an Akademi Fantasia alum tone-deaf and rhythmically-challenged.
6) Quit your job, move to the country side and change your name to Mak Jah, in the hopes of enjoying a calmer quieter life.
Pay for Be awarded with a Datukship (like : knighthood) based on the merits of your contributions to society when to the society itself, the biggest contribution you could ever make is to live in solitary confinement or disappear from the face of the Earth.
8 ) Abstain from
9) Reduce the amount of time spent
having sex on Facebook.
10) Tone down your sarcasm and razor sharp wit in your incessant vents and ramblings when you happen to be a