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TOP TEN ALTERNATIVE CAREER OPTIONS FOR INDONESIAN FOOTBALL PLAYERS

December 30, 2010

It has been an exciting few weeks for yours truly. So much so that this blog has been left alone to gather moss and cobwebs..will blog more about the other exciting stuff that has happened later, but first things first.. today I just witnessed an extremely joyous and momentous occasion; my dear darling country intan payung tanah tumpah darahku has won its first ever AFF Suzuki Cup! Yeah! Congratulations to Harimau Malaya! Finally we are South East Asia’s football champion again after 14 years! Woot Woot! World Cup 2014 here we come!

Ok! Ok! I know what you are thinking… “Whoa! Hold on to your horses there repulsive! There’s still a lonngg way to go before we stop being the good old typical Jaguh Kampung get there!!” but well.. the excitement of today’s victory, coupled with the amazing game that the team played and the solid run that Malaysia has had during the tournament has restored the faith of all Malaysians that hey..maybe there is still hope for Malaysian politics football afterall.

I for one have never been a fan of football and suffice to say I don’t know much about the technical aspects of the game. The notion of watching 22 scantily clad men running around after one freaking ball has never made any sense to me. But having said that, I remember a time as a very young kid when we all used to gather as families in front of the TV to watch the Piala Malaysia finals or any other international matches featuring Malaysia.  We would get so excited because it was Malaysia or our state in the finals and we would want them to win! Such amazing childhood memories really. Alas..those memories died somewhere in the mid 90s with the great game that our team used to play..and I have never cared much about our football since..till this year that is… so lets just hope that this is not a one off fluke but it is instead a definite start to the long journey of recovery.

Anyway, all nationalistic pride aside, the whole point of this entry is to provide the players on the losing team.. aka Garuda Indonesia with some tips and advice on alternative employment opportunities. Given the fact that this is their fourth losing match in the AFF Suzuki Cup Final and that tonight of all nights they lost to the underdog whom they trashed 5-1 in the prelims.. one can’t be blamed for concluding that they must not be very good at their current jobs as football players and may perhaps need a new one.

Therefore as a kind and considerate neighbour on this side of the Malacca Straits, I feel compelled to offer them some unsolicited advice on the kind of jobs that they should look into post football career. Who knows?? Perhaps this one they could become good at! :)

1) Street vendors on the corners of Central Market, Chow Kit and Petaling Street, selling plastic toys, those bubble blowers and laser toy guns among others.

2) My next door neigbour’s gardener. Since they are not very good at attacking and defending on the field, perhaps they would be better at landscaping them instead? Hmm..

3) Football coaches at primary school and kindergarten football leagues. 

4) Tukang bancuh sirap/ waterboys at regional football matches. 

5) Move to America and become cowboys. They might have better luck chasing after cows instead of balls.

6) Actors in Indonesian soaps. Given the number of buat buat jatuh  fall downs and dramatic roll arounds in supposed agonising pain at the slightest tackle by the Malaysian players,  it is safe to presume that the Indonesian players will do well on these primetime Indonesian soaps as they have already perfected the art of overacting usually required for these kind of shows.

7) Personal trainers to Indonesian female celebrities. If for no other reason than the fact that during the game the camera crew was smart enough to keep panning out to the hot Indonesian chicks/ celebs in the stands, thereby indicating that there exist a big potential market in this area.

8) Pet food taster. There is no clear reason for this nor does this have anything to do with the Indonesian players and their ball kicking skills.. I just think that this is a super cool job.

9) Reality TV Stars / Professional usesless Celebrities a la the Kardashians. Given the Indonesian supporters vociferous need for creating controversy as apparent by the recent buzz on the Twitterverse coupled with the team’s penchant for drama, the players can definitely have a successful reality show that can give Kim and her whole talentless, slutty  jingbang a run for their money.  Keeping Up with the Garudas ..anyone?

10) Bomoh Indon @ shamans @ individuals who dabble in witchcraft. Since the current set of bomohs have failed in their jampi serapah / spells to help the players pull an upset in the second leg of the finals, perhaps its time to replace the current set of  bomohs with a team who are more well versed in the matters of the darkside, and who better to do this than the players themselves. :)  

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