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TOP TEN BEST WAYS TO BEAT THE HEAT!

February 28, 2010

If you have been living in any part of Malaysia for the past couple of weeks, I am sure you would’ve noticed the crazy heat wave that has hit the entire nation. Unless of course you live in a fridge or work in a certain unnamed medical centre where the fat HR lady keeps the air cond remote under her pits (mighty big pits too I must say) and turn the air cond to -15 degrees at all times!

I know a lot of people have been tweeting (or is it twittering?) and updating social networking page statuses on showering 15 times a day and possibly moving permanently into the bathroom with their heads perpetually in the toilet bowl under the taps as a final resort. As someone who is more fond of the heat than being an all-wrapped up jakun Malaysian during a light autumn day in Europe the friggin cold weather, I somehow still share your pain during these sweaty times and would like to give you some fun tips on things you can do to BEAT THE HEAT (hey that rhymes?!). Enjoy!

1) Take 2 or 3 pairs of your favouritest underwear, dip them in ice for 8 hours and then wear them.. only them and nothing else.(Old cotonny holey granny panties are the best as they absorb more water and subsequently the cold temperature. Plus, they are also extremely comfy to boot!)

2) Eat and drink Ice Flavoured EVERYTHING!! Ice tea, Ice cream, ice flavoured goreng pisang, ice flavoured nasi lemak sambal sotong, ice flavoured roti canai.. well.. you get the picture!

3) Lock all doors, bolt all windows and cover every possible hole, nook and cranny in your house and start filling the entire place up with water from the bathroom! Once done you will have your very own home-made water park! Yay! You can turn some furniture around and pretend they are water slides etc, float some cushions in the tub for added effect and even make your son/kid brother flap around on the floor and pretend that he’s the rabid man-eating shark from ‘Jaws’.

4) Watch Pulp Fiction in the dark. Turning off the lights will considerably reduce the temperature of your room and hey.. its a “cool” movie! 🙂

5) Run as fast as you can and smash your head into the wall.. ok.. this may not do anything to alleviate the annoyance and discomfort of the heat, BUT the excruciating pain and possible concussion suffered from this particular endeavour will take your mind off the heat for a while.. or in the best possible scenario, you may even develop amnesia!*Heat? What heat? Who am I? What is this place?* 😛

6) Avoid sex! At all times.. this particularly physically strenuous bedroom activity will only make you all icky, sweaty and uncomfortable and serves no benefit/ purpose whatsoever!

7) Put on your prettiest, sexiest kain batik CIk Kiah/ sarong bikini/ swimming trunk, lather yourself up with minyak angin cap kapak sun block, take out your mat, sunglasses, hat and towel and head for …your neighbour’s backyard, lay everything down, lie down and pretend that you are chilling and soaking up the sun and breeze in Krabi* (or insert favourite island here). For some weird and inexplicable reason, the heat seems so much more errmm… cooler when you are on a beach holiday.

8) Hang a noose around the ceiling fan, tie the other end to your body and turn it on full blast. Not only is this cooling, but it is also alot funner and certainly more adventurous than bungee jumping.

9) If you live on one of the higher floors of a high rise building, try parachuting off your balcony. Chances are, you will feel cool from the sudden gush of air that will hit you as you go crashing into the sun roof of the Laundromat downstairs floating down.

10) Forget Malaysia and just move to Siberia! Heat wave schmeat wave! Hah! :p

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