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TEN EASY STEPS TO DREAMLAND

November 13, 2010

I used to suffer from severe depression. Bet you couldn’t tell by my crazy eyes that stare at people weirdly sometimes looking at me now can you? Hah! Damn, I’m pelakon drama Melayu RTM a good actress! The uncool thing about this problem was that on top of sudden emotional outbursts, crying spells and feeling like killing your boss yourself all the time, you also suffer from lack of sleep for the most part. In fact I remember being deprived of this fundamental necessity to the human body for close to a year…:(

Thankfully, I am all better now..so please don’t start looking at me all funny like I’m the (hot, sexy, gorgeous female version of) Norman Bates reincarnate, expect me to start mumbling incoherently to myself or laugh maniacally for no apparent reason. I was just depressed people.. not crazy! 😛 Anyways whilst the depression has pretty much left me alone for a while now, in the past couple of weeks I’ve started finding it extremely difficult to sleep again, no matter how much wild, crazy, passionate, vigorous sex I indulge in I tire myself out before hand. Rather than get all worked up about this little problem, I’ve found some fun things to do to kill time in the wee hours of the morning. And as a result have developed a step by step instruction that will surely get me (and now you) a trip into dreamland in no time. Enjoy!

  1. Get the thickest most thought-provoking book you can find and start reading.
  2. Get frustrated with the comprehension required in the middle of the night and throw book against wall.
  3. Get an American supermarket tabloid instead, and start reading the latest alien abduction stories and ‘Brangelina’ gossip.
  4. Get insulted with tabloid’s outlandish nonsense, wonder how much dumber can Americans get and fling magazine to the furthest corner of room.
  5. Get a calculator, pen, paper and ruler and start measuring the length, speed and velocity of both throws.
  6. Realise that measurements should be counted DURING and not AFTER the throw and that having failed Physics in SPM more than ten years ago, had no blinking clue what you were doing anyways.
  7. Keep all items, sit up in bed and start reflecting with great remorse about why you failed Physics in SPM more than ten years ago.
  8. Remember all the fun cool things you did whilst ditching Physics classes (like going to the mall, sleeping at the sick bay, climbing up trees, swapping movie posters with friends from other classes etc) and realise that you’d rather not be a science geek smart in Physics anyways.
  9. Decide that while you are at it, you’d rather not be a paper pushing corporate slave working for a slutty aging, wacky bimbo with the five-inch make-up quit your job and become a professional salsa dancer, get up and start practicing your killer moves around the room.
  10. Bump your head, knock into the wall, smash into the bedside table and saw that it was already 6.30 am. Start thinking about the best possible excuse to get an MC for the day. Text your colleague about it and go to bed!


-THE END-


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