November 14, 2010

In about 5 months, I will be celebrating my two-year anniversary of working at my current workplace (a certain tropical-themed medical centre that shall not be named!). Woot! Woot! This is definitely the longest place I’ve stayed at since leaving my first job in 2007. So yeah.. one may conclude that the reason for such a lengthy stay can be attributed to the massive amounts of bonus career advancement opportunities and job satisfaction that I am receiving here (no.. it has nothing to do with the fact that I only spend seven minutes traveling from home to work every morning and can come to work at anytime I want and blame it on external morning meetings).

Regardless of where I work and which industry I am in, in my almost five years as a paper-pushing corporate slave sophisticated career woman, I’ve noticed that underneath that calm, rational, professional and driven persona that every corporate big wig exudes, there lies a deep rooted emptiness and psychological imbalance that have driven them to embark on certain endeavours that can be utterly and completely incomprehensible to the ordinary minds…
1. Adorn the event registration table with a porcelain duck, potted plants and soft lights for a cozy effect during a Fund Managers Briefing in the hope of enticing bigger investments from current and potential investors.

2. Speaks English with a fake “mat saleh” accent that’s either faux American, faux British, faux Australian or faux Scottish-Polish-Austrian or (at times) a combination of all of the above.

3. Send the biggest bumbling idiot with no oral or articulation skills whatsoever to spearhead a very important sales pitch/ business presentation.

4. Spends the company’s entire resources to attend to a visiting/ admitted royalty whose entire existence and being (including the expenses incurred at your organisation) is funded by the tax payers money when your company is in fact one of the nation’s biggest tax payers.

5. Bans access to all fun and informative social networking sites and adds layers upon layers of bureaucracy for any kind of technological upgrade within the organisation but in the next breath starts spouting the mantra ‘the internet is part of the dawn of the new age in marketing revolution and we should strive to utilise every possible internet site and networking tool possible’.

6. Rear fishes in a mini aquarium at your cubicle and start naming them after your colleagues! (No..it’s not appropriate to name your gold fish Rina just because it has a pair of huge protruding eyes!!.)

7. Maintain a jungle of potted plants in your office and talk to them every morning (so that they can grow up strong and healthy).

8. Lead a CORPORATE tour of Vietnamese delegates to your organisation, whilst dressed up in traditional Vietnamese hooker-like garb outfit. (What are you? Tourism Malaysia?)

9. Pretend to always be busy texting and emailing on a Blackberry with a perpetual deep frown, in the hope of making you seemed more important than you actually are.

10. Blog about the crazy things people do at work, at work, when you have a very important report due in 30 minutes. 😛


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