Posts Tagged ‘Facebook’

h1

TOP TEN NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION THAT ARE GUARANTEED TO CRASH AND BURN

December 12, 2010

I used to be a huge fan of resolutions! There was always something exhilaratingly empowering about taking charge of your life, setting targets and putting in the efforts to achieve them.

In 1997 I made a resolution to get straight A’s in my PMR exams and requested that my parents give me an all-expenses paid trip to the UK to visit my cousins. God thought it would be fun to give me 1A short of that target. In university, every year from 2000-2006, I made a resolution to get Dean’s List in every semester but that too did not happen as I spent more time educating myself in clubs and movie theatres instead of lecture halls and libraries. In 2009, one of my resolutions included, dating a rockstar. Alas, I ended up dating and breaking up with a tone-deaf loser whose only musical connection was when my bestfriend had a whimsical dream of him basking in Damansara Uptown.

Indeed, life experiences have made me shy away from making resolutions as I have never had the discipline to carry through with them. And when I did in fact try, there were extenuating circumstances that would prevent me from achieving them. But hey ‘C’est la vie! Non?’

As 2010 comes to a close, I find myself once again thinking about resolutions and targets etc. This time around, instead of focusing on losing that three layers of belly fat that seemed to have magically appeared out of no where creating and executing my own resolutions, I have decided to compile a list of things you should not be ‘resolute’ about as they are bound to crash and burn, sooner than you can say “Oh..I am still so hungover from that New Year’s Party!!”

Enjoy!

1) Write beautiful, thought provoking poetry in French when the only French words you know are Oui, Non and Gracias. ūüėõ

2) Get married in style and elegance without having the whole mami jarum clan meddle in all aspects of the preparations… when you are an anak mami from Penang.

3) Learn how to cook ūüėõ (ok this one applies solely to yours truly)

4) Start going to the gym more often just so that you can catch the attention of your brother’s cute friend who happens to be a health and fitness freak.

5) Release a Billboard Number One pop album when you are an Akademi Fantasia alum tone-deaf and rhythmically-challenged.

6) Quit your job, move to the country side and change your name to Mak Jah, in the hopes of enjoying a calmer quieter life.

7) Pay for Be awarded with a Datukship (like : knighthood) based on the merits of your contributions to society when to the society itself, the biggest contribution you could ever make is to live in solitary confinement or disappear from the face of the Earth.

8 ) Abstain from sex Facebook.

9) Reduce the amount of time spent having sex on Facebook.

10) Tone down your sarcasm and razor sharp wit in your incessant vents and ramblings when you happen to be a menopausal woman. ūüôā

h1

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE DESPERATELY HANGING ON TO YOUR BOYBAND PHASE

November 29, 2010

Recently I had the unfortunate opportunity to see the Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block performed at the American Music Awards (AMAs). If you need to ask.. no I wasn’t this √ľber¬†cool chick who got tickets to see the awards live. I just happened to tune in to abundant resources via the grand old idiot box. But I digress. Whilst watching the performance, I thought¬†to myself¬† “OMG!! Nick Carter I love you arrggghhhhh!!!¬† “Geez … I can’t believe I was once a huge teenybopper¬†fan¬†.. and gawwdd.. they¬†look so old!!”

Of course when I did in fact have the time to think about it, I realise that I was a big part of the boyband fandom when I was a geeky overweight awkward adolescent¬†¬†in my teens and I am now a sophisticated (??) and mature career woman who is nearing the end of her twenties. Simply put..¬†my obsession with¬†boybands¬†happened a real long time ago..before the world was shocked with the events of September 11, before the advent of Facebook (the coolest thing we had back then was mIRC32…say what??!), iPhones or¬†iPods (you could still purchase your¬† NKOTB albums in cassettes) and when blackberries were just¬†tasty juicy pieces of fruits.

Having said all that, watching the performance did in fact bring back old memories of singing along to the catchy lyrics in the school bus, dancing to the rhythmic beats during school performances and just being a self absorbed  teenager with not much care in the world.

Yes reminiscing is fun and I gotta admit that those songs are still catchy and addictive years down the road. I am still hearing the catchphrase “Backstreet’s Back¬†alright!” ringing in my ears days after¬†the AMAs :P. ¬†Having said that, I know many people who may have gotten too attached to the boyband era and as a result have refused to grow up and let go.

Below are some examples.

  1. You still sign your name “Joyah¬†Carter” or “Senah Timberlake” on loan and job application forms.
  2. You don’t speak to your younger teenage sister for days coz she “chose” the Jonas brother that you like first.¬†
  3. You only sing Backstreet Boys and NSync songs at your company’s karaoke gatherings.¬†
  4. You have the birthdates of your favourite boybanders saved on your company’s Blackberry to remind you to send teddybears and flowers to their official fan club address.
  5. In clubs… you enjoy showing off your killer moves derived from the “Backstreet’s Back” video ūüėõ¬†
  6. You get into a heated and¬†emotional argument with people who said that the Backstreet Boys, Boyzone and New Kids on the Block should drop the “Boy” and “Kid” monikers from their names as they are now OLD men.¬†
  7. You shamelessly ask for the new NKOTB album for your 29th Birthday!!
  8. You are the only one in your circle of friends who doesn’t think that Nick Carter is a pathethic mess of a has been.
  9. You start a nationwide petition asking Take That to beg Robbie William to be a part of their reunion concert and album and you succeeded.
  10. You start skipping lunch to save money for front row tickets and to look slim and superb when you found out that 911 is holding a comeback concert in Singapore.

 If you continue to exhibit any of these signs in your late 50s  well into your 20s, I would advise you to please burn your copies of Top of The Pops and Teen Beat (with that super cute JT pin up), flush all your cassettes and CDs in the toilet and get psychiatric help immediately.